Random Reflections

As I sit here, at work, and think about the last few weeks, I realize that I really really need to post more! So much happens on any given day, and, if I don’t write about it that day, it is so easy for so much to get lost in the shuffle.

For instance, I learned not to follow directions on light fixtures. Several hours, and 4 rehangs later, it didn’t work, so, using what I learned about not following the directions, I hung another fixture that had been a sort of hanging lamp before, in ten minutes, and it works fine. My arms were mad about holding the first (heavy) fixture up for so long, and my feet felt as though a permanent impression of the ladder step was embedded there for a few days. That was fun. (*note sarcastic tone 😉 )

Watching my daughter blossom in our new neighborhood, making several friends already, while my son goes from disinterested to broken-hearted over the semi-loss of his best friend, has left me conflicted. Of course, I never want my daughter to be held back for her brothers sake, but I don’t want him to hurt as she grows into her own person, either.

As much as it warms my heart when he tells me that “When I grow up, and you and Daddy move, I’m going with you. Daddy said he’ll kick me out, but I’ll move in in your neighborhood so I can always be close” it also breaks my heart. I love my children, and, right now, cannot imagine life without them in their rooms in my house, but I want them to grow up, get married, and have their own families for me to love. His Autism has always been so mild, and I am so used to it, that I rarely even think about it anymore, but I know it’s there, and I know he struggles with some things more that others, and being sociable is a big one for him. When I allow myself to dwell in the worry, I wonder if virtual schooling is really right for him, or if i should have him in a school for kids like him, or a regular school with an aide, so it forces him to flex his social muscles, and step out of his comfort zone. When I think of that, though, I think of how he was bullied in pre-k and kindergarten for being so different already, and cannot fathom putting him in that kind of situation again, knowingly.

Then, when I think about his schooling, I think about my daughter’s schooling, and worry that she may be jealous of all the time I spend with her brother while she’s in school. I have offered to try virtual with her again, but she loves being a social butterfly at school, and does pretty well (if she’d focus and remember to bring papers home for me! Of course, that’s a whole other bag of beans!). I would love to do more mommy-daughter things with her, but, with my school schedule, her brother’s therapy schedule, then my job on the weekends, I’m just not sure when.

Thankfully, through all this insane-wanna-bite-my-nails-and-pull-my-hair-out craziness, my wonderful handsome hubby is there to pick up the slack, and take over when I need to disappear for a few to finish a paper or take a bath. I hope he knows how much he means to me. I try to tell them all everyday, but have to wonder sometimes if I actually said anything, or did I just mean to, and get sidetracked again by the next thing that’s been gnawing at my time?

Ugh. Well, this has been a rambly post, and I keep  meaning to take pics as I work in the house, but, yeah, not the best brain going on over here right now, so maybe soon? I will try to pop back in soon, and maybe do a post about Duchenne, Autism, a random diy project….. whatever. If anyone has any requests for what you all would like to see here, just leave it in the comments, and I’ll see what I can come up with for ya! 😉

lol (as my daughter says “Lots of Love”!)

Viv

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